


Literary Classics

by Miyo_is_Tired



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, Bad Matchmaking, Characters Writing Fanfiction, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I HATE HETALIA, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I mean alfred's fanfics are crack, M/M, One Shot, Semi-Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyo_is_Tired/pseuds/Miyo_is_Tired
Summary: When Arthur Kirkland criticizes Alfred's writing skills, he think he could prove his childhood crush wrong. And it wouldn't hurt if some acquaintances will be involved, right?In which Alfred writes bad yaoi fanfiction to impress Arthur but ends up getting everyone together.





	Literary Classics

**Author's Note:**

> is this crack? is thsi? is this?\  
> please note that every mistake in the fanfic passage was made purposefully to highlight alfreds fine writing skills  
> unbetad by the way

_"What the hell did I just read?"_  

Arthur looks mortified at this point. A sheet of paper slips from his loose grip and onto the floor as he stares at Alfred's face in pure horror. Did he do such an awful job of raising him? Was he a bad example to look up to, or was the guy just so awful at writing? As far as Arthur could remember, he once wrote decent things, but now...

"Is this what you call bloody literature, Jones?"

"Well, yeah, dude!" he exclaimed cheerily, a grin on his face, "don'tcha like this?"

 _"No."_ A lecture followed, with Kirkland criticizing everything that caught his eye; honestly, he felt as though his eyes were bleeding. Literally. Why would Alfred want  _him_ to check whatever horrific story he had written for English if they weren't even in the same class?

"Arthie, man, you're overexaggerating! This crap can't be that bad..." the American was a sorry sight to see - his high spirits had seemed to disappear at his friend's reaction.

"It is." scoffing, Arthur throws the papers of writing back at Alfred's face, walking away in disgust. 

Now, the British looked truly disappointed... Maybe there was a way for Alfred to make up for this!

***

_It was a truly beautiful morning. The birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, the smell of independence was thick in the air as the two men lay on the ground. Feliciano's hand was intertwined with Ludwig's, the two of them were super close (I mean physically and emotionally) as the blonde held his Italian lover tightly. "Ve," Feli said queitly. "Ti amo." He said in Italian because I did not just look that up on Google Translate for nothing. "Ich liebe dich," answered Ludwig for the same reason. There was pasta on the ground becaause they were on a picnic. And then they made out, kay, understand?_

Ludwig's palm quickly met his face after reading this. The crumbled, lined piece of paper was put in his locker for some reason. Surely no one but  _this particular asshat_ could write that. He would kick Alfred's ass the next time he saw him, most definitely. Beilschmidt's infatuation with his useless yet adorable Italian friend wasn't probably a secret for, well... Everyone but Feliciano. Ludwig's only hope was that Jones didn't put this same paper in his locker, too-

"Hey, Germany!~"

Scheisse. Step one: failed.

"Ludwig, did you get this, too? I liked the writing!" Feliciano chimes, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, and honestly the German doesn't even know how to react. He wishes he could forget about this devilish "story" and move on with his day as the Italian waves the piece of paper around in the air. "Do you think we could go on a picnic, too? Be just like this story? I'll make pasta!"

Confusion was evident on the German's face. Go on a picnic? Be just like them? Out of habit, he replies with a short "Sure." before he even realizes. Blushing, he sighs.

He just hopes this won't be like the Tomato Wedding Ring incident.

***

_"Tomatoes suck," says Lovino, frown on his face. "You suck, too." He then gives Antonio a big tomato smooch because he just ate a tomato. You know Lovino has PMS so he never means what he says n so "you suck" means "I love you so much I want to marry you and have your babies" in Lovino Vargas. Antonio however understands and smooches him back and God I wish Arthur was like that but whatever. "MMHhmM I love you my little tomato." Antonio says as he kisses Lovino's neck and Lovino gives him a tomato. After that they took their clothes off and Antonio fucked Lovino thoroughly with a very rippe juicy tomato. End_

Lovino was furious.Who in the whole damn world would do that?! This stupid thing! Not only the narrative and story were off, but both of them were out of character- wait, why is he worring about that? The sickest part is using a tomato as a sex toy! Tomatoes were made for eating, not putting them in one's ass!

"It's alright," Antonio pats his friend on the shoulder, trying his best to stay collected. He had truly mixed feeling about this. "I think Alfred wrote this, judging by the "Arthur" part... Don't you want to go out to eat something...?"

"My boot is coming right up his ass!" Lovino shouts, face red with fury and totally not embarrassment. "And tomatoes don't suck!"

_("Well, a restaurant sounds good enough," he scoffs afterwards.)_

_***_

_Cats were littered all around the island. Get the pun? Anyways, Kiku and Heracles were on this Japanese island that's totally filled with cats. They were petting every single one of them and chatting. After a while Kiku was blushing furiously and he sighed. Heracles asked, "What is wrong, Kiku?" The shorter man answered, "Well, being with you soothed my problems, Heracles-san, but... there is something I would like to say..." suddenly sakoora (cherry) blossoms appeared and started falling onto Kiku's head like in an anime. He blushed. "H-Heracles-san... I am in love with you... we must now marry and adopt a hundred kittens." Grinning Heracles laughed, "Of course KIku! I love you too!" Their lips met in a-"_

Embarrassing! This is so embarrassing!!!

_"- passionate kiss, tongues dancing, and the cats around them meowed the wedding march. They lived on the island afterwards, being married and living happily ever after!!!"_

Kiku didn't want to ever acknowledge whatever he had just read. The cat part was surely nice, and adopting kittens with Heracles-san seemed very sweet... W-wait, why was he thinking about that? Ah, God... He blushes, like in an anime, indeed, as he just sighs. Out of the corner of his eye, the Japanese notices Heracles approaching him; is today his unlucky day?! Everything was so... bad...

"Hello, Kiku," the Greek teenager greets Kiku quietly and warmly, peaceful as ever. "I was wondering if you had received a piece of paper with some fake story on it. It looks like a piece of badly written literature."

Swallowing hard, he replies. "It probably indeed is one... and yes, I have discovered it in my locker."

"Uhm, say,  are you free tomorrow? It's a Saturday." Heracles scratches his chin, deep in thought. "I just so happened to stumble across a cat cafe around here. Maybe visiting it could help us forget that disastrous story."

Kiku's eyes lit up at the slight mentioning of cat cafes. "Ah, of course... Here is my number." He wrote it down in neat handwriting on a small post-it note lying around in his locker, still blushing. He didn't know if thinking about Heracles-san in this way was even okay...

***

_"Aah, Francis, aren't you too close..."  Matt was pinned down by Francis, his forehead meeting the cold wall. Francis pressed has face close to Matthew's so their noses were touching. Matthew's glasses were steamy and Francis slowly undressed him, then sucking hickeys onto his neck as Matthew moaned sweetly. Then Matthew sucked Francis off and Francis said, "see, I remember your name, mon cheri." Matthew blushed. I just looked that up on Google Translate too and Francis should get off Arthur and onto Matt._

Compared to what the others have received previously, Matthew's story was written almost lazily. And he honestly knew its author: his very own brother. Alfred was probably bored or something... last night, he was pretty much writing something and scheming; Matt didn't ask anything about it and simply accepted the fact as it is. His brother was kind of weird, but that was alright.

"Ah,  _Matthieu!_ " his friend, the one depicted as his lover in the story, came out of seemingly nowhere with a rose in his mouth and his lock being caressed by the wind (which was actually the AC because they're indoors.) "I believe you have gotten a fine piece of fiction like I have... So take me! Here and now! Or should I take you?" he whispered seductively.

Matthew just sighed and wondered if the Frenchman truly remembered his name.

***

Arthur opened his locker to a mysterious piece of lined paper inside. Judging by what everybody has told him, he was going to read the most humiliating story in his life which was probably even worse than Alfred's writings. However, a large heart was doodled on the paper, which made it different from the rest.

"Ah, mais what do we have here? A love confession, perhaps?"

"Shut up, you bloody frog."

_You used to visit me before. You were very much gloomy, as though a particular darkness radiated from your soul; I soon learned it was not the case. You cooked food for me, and despite everyone's opinions, I still believe it was quite delicious. Growing up I looked up to you, and one particular day we went out onto a field. The sun shone through the grass, the breeze felt light and feathery on my skin, and you led me through the field. I wasn't a child already by that time, and it was perhaps a few years ago, right before our conflict and right before you started almost-hating me. I think that's when I fell in love with you. We laughed, hand in hand, at nothing, and were happy with everything."_

By the time Arthur snapped out of it, Francis was already filling the air with his victorious  _hon-hon-hon_. It was quite obvious who the author of this particular story was, and, in all honestly, even though there were mistakes here and there, this text wasn't really bad or anything... Folding the piece of paper and putting it in his pocket, Kirkland scoffs and walks away.

Right around the corner, a voice spoke up from behind a locker. "Dude... d'you think this worked?"

"Of course it did, my friend, of course it did."

"You better not shit me, Ivan!"

**Author's Note:**

> i want to write a follow-up to this with china/japan drawing their ships instead. theres gonna be some more of them btw. should i?


End file.
